Wait! They don't love you like I love you...

saturday i woke up at 1

was lazy for most of the day

went to watch the footie team play

bought my mum a birthday present

watched the norwich v man u match in the pub

learned that a girl on campus had committed suicide

learned i kind of knew her

stayed in all night

Lyrics: maps / yeah yeah yeahs

When I feel your velvet, I can't help it; hold your frame, whisper your name. When I feel your velvet, I can't help it; and you don't breathe, so you can't leave.

i start university on sunday

sunday

i don't even have the words to describe how i feel about this i'm scared but excited, worried about living alone and worried that no one will like me or that i'll end up being like the building's mothery type or something because that's normally my type and my mother has gone out of her way to make sure i have things i won't need but other people probably will sooooo i might be quite helpful

just saying

still it's not long to go now i have one more proper full day at home :( and my cat doesn't even realise she's practically snubbing me

Lyrics: velvet elvis / alex winston

Did you have to go to jail put your house on up for sale did you get a good lawyer I hope you didn't catch a tan I hope you found the right man who'll fix it for you

my mother is one of those people who expects everyone else to remember her email addresses passwords and everything and she gets dead stressy when no one else knows them and pissed off because we're apparently being unhelpful but it's like..remember your own password and email address it's YOURS i don't expect anyone else to know my log in details for anything and it's not like i sit there memorising them for shits and giggles

seriously she's now trying to log in to the registering forms on yahoo

oh god

Lyrics: valerie / the zutons

How you see me how you see me you say that you can see me but I can't see you looking anymore how you know me how you know me you saying that you know me but I don't see us talking anymore

i went to that fancy dress party last night i went as a crap / slightly slutty audrey hepburn..it wasn't as bad as i was expecting i did end up sat on my own for a while but i didn't really mind i had three pints of cider and enjoyed watching everybody else making a tit of themselves on the dancefloor

i was pretty drunk by the time i got home though i tried to climb the stairs like they were a mountain and my mum had to put me to bed i can't really handle alcohol

and today i went out for a meal with my family because it's father's day and we went shopping as well i bought a couple of necklaces a cardigan some earrings..i also went shopping with my mother yesterday and bought a few things it's been a good weekend basically

Lyrics: open up your arms / ren harvieu

Maybe I'll write him a story and maybe I'll fall asleep in his arms maybe I'll wake up lonely and fallen away again until you calm me down I'll race around this town

got paid today i was soooo happy all the extra time last week means i got paid more and i forgot about another extra day i did because i got paid more than i thought i would so i am ecstatic! gonna buy that pair of shoes i had my eye on and i'm going shopping with my mother tomorrow

i was supposed to be going shopping with her today but it's throwing it down and i cba going out and getting soaked just to buy some hair dye

Lyrics: tap at my window / laura marling

I laugh I feel I make believe it's real I fall I freeze I pray down on my knees I hope I stand I take it like a man I try as hard as I can

when i'm getting engaged i hope my fiance never ever ever takes me to prestons of bolton the advert depresses me for some reason i'm sure it's nice and everything but still it's where my dad took his first fiancee for her engagement ring

ysee my parents were engaged to other people before they met each other, and then when they did meet they both sold their engagement rings to fund a night out where they got completely drunk and probably conceived my older brother haha they were together for 3 months before she got pregnant and they married after he was born but 25 years later they're still happily married

and he never took her to prestons of bolton

Lyrics: am i not pretty enough / kasey chambers

You got me pushing imaginary buttons step away from me lover away from me lover you got me counting imaginary school children get away from me lover away from me lover yes I can see that my carpet is animated walk away from me lover walk away from me lover yes I see you open wounds in everyone I've dated away from me lover away from me lover

oh my god my mum just had a go at me for being apparently anti-monarchy and anti-god and being an atheist and i was like wtf you're making me out to be some kind of radical or something and i'm not even anti-monarchy i don't have a problem with the queen or anything i can't be arsed being bothered about her tbh i don't see the point and i'm agnostic not an atheist and i'm definitely not anti-god

i was very confused haha

Lyrics: buttons / sia

I'm tired of waiting I'm tired of thinking and it feels like jealousy and it feels like I can't breathe and I'm on down on my knees and it feels like jealousy

had another lazy day today i woke up late sorted out the excess of clothes in my wardrobe watched some TV with my dad whilst i worked on my classics notes, then i had a lie down before a really hot bath listening to soothy music..it's been really chilled out and now i'm watching 'monk' with my mum as i write the next chapter of 'star rising'

ahhhh happy

Lyrics: jealousy / will young

If I get you in the loop when I make a point of being straight with you then in lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though I Brazilian wax poetic so hypothetically I don't want to beat around the bush

i'm fairly sure that my mum has become addicted to mint aeros..she buys them in bulk and hides them and there's hell to pay if you get too close to her mint aero i'm telling you

Lyrics: foxtrot uniform charlie kilo / bloodhound gang

If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free the saints can't help me now the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground

oh yeah and the other night i had a dream i was getting married at 18 to this man my parents didn't approve of i never saw him in the dream but i knew he was a dead intense masculine possessive type with hidden secrets involved somehow in magic..and we were getting married in this old castle place and the aisle was this thin strip of stone going over a drop filled with blue flames leading to this ancient altar

this side of the dream was really cool but the other side, not so much because my mum bought my wedding dress and basically it looked like an amercian flag red white and blue and i hated it but she called me an ungrateful bitch when i said i didn't want to wear it plus she packed the wrong shoes

there was a general feeling that the wedding was all a bit shotgun and shouldn't be happening but i didn't care because even though this man i was marrying scared me a little i loved him so much

dreams are so weird

Lyrics: howl / florence and the machine

Don't you ever don't you ever stop being dandy show me that you're handsome

Imma go shopping tomorrow and buy a present for mothers day and a dress for a party and maybe some other things too, I'll be all on my ownsome but I don't care sometimes I like to shop on my own

Lyrics: prince charming / Adam and the ants

That if you say goodbye today I ask you to be true because the hardest part of this is leaving you

someone left a bag of maltesers on the coffee table and they're not mine but i keep on eating them and there's only like twelve left and i feel really bad..

Lyrics: cancer / my chemical romance

Hunger hurts but I want him so bad oh it kills because I know that I'm a mess he don't want to clean up

so so so so so want to do a 'who do you think you are' with my family, especially my mother's side because i know very little about them apart from they're welsh hahaha

i just think that it would be fascinating..my aunt on my father's side has already done their family and that was pretty interesting we have some weird surnames on that side lmao but no one has done it for my mother's side

maybe, this summer when i have like 12 weeks off or something i might do a little hunting :D

actually atm i'm watching the tracey emin episode, i love watching this show it is so interesting

Lyrics: paper bag / fiona apple

You're reading Fitzgerald you're reading Hemingway they're both super smart and drinking in the cafes

ridiculously tired but waiting up just so i can watch family guy at 11.50 i'm so sad and i have no life, pretty sure that most people my age are out clubbing or drunking or dropping acid right now but not me, i've watched tv drank orange juice and written stories all night

plus my mum keeps on hiccupping and it's really infuriating me

Lyrics: poor little rich boy / regina spektor

I said I don't kiss losers and I don't kiss winners and I don't fight for honour because we are all born sinners

nice day consisting of shopping with my mother and watching pointless telly :) i bought two necklaces, a sketch pad and some bits and pieces because i reallllly miss making random pictures and stuff

i'll probably get bored of it within the next week hahaha

Lyrics: your honor / regina spektor

When you act like a man who is cross with every woman he's never had if it's true looks could kill and you will be the first to make me mad then you'll have to go

although i've got coursework and homework to do i'm not doing it today i'm going shopping with my mother for no reason even though the place we're going only takes about an hour to walk around haha i'm looking forward to it though and it'll get me out of the house.

anything is better than analysing my coursework and writing about mutinies in the roman empire following tiberius' accession to emperor. yknow. but i'll have to do it eventually i guess probs tomorrow if i can be bothered and maybe if i get back early enough i can do it today

but i really don't care as much as i should, which isn't looking good for my education

Lyrics: if looks could kill / camera obscura

Popsicle love and pie crust promises ice cream kisses that I'm really gonna miss smithsonian peppermint sugar coated accident empty like a cavity now we're just history

Best mother in the world made me a cup of tea in my big mug :)

Lyrics: love sick stomach ache / bowling for soup

A system failure for the masses, antimatter for the masterplan

I swear that my mother enjoys falling asleep on the sofa just so she can annoy me by doing creepy snores. Right now this is just a theory, but the smug smile on her face just confirms it...

Tired, but not tired :( next payday I am investing in DVDs to watch such as Green Wing, The Big Bang Theory, Not Going Out, The Inbetweeners and How Not To Live Your Life. And maybe Sherlock, because I kind of fell in love with Benedict Cumberbatch. They will be watched on nights where I'm tired, but can't sleep (like tonight).

I could watch Gavin and Stacey or Downton Abbey, but I forgot how to work my DVD player...
Until then I'll replay professor Layton and the Curious Village. Again.

Lyrics: Look Alive, Sunshine / My Chemical Romance