If happy ever after did exist, I would still be holding you like this; all those fairy tales are full of shit. One more fucking love song, I'll be sick.

sooooo i haven't posted in a while

with good reason ofc i started uni on the 25th september, so i had to move and i've barely had any time to myself tbh..i'm mostly enjoying it. i like the social side, my new friends etc. but the work is an absolute bitch. i have this lecturer who i'm in two minds about - she's a brilliant lecturer, really knows her stuff, keeps it interesting, but she can be sooooo scary and she sets really awkward, difficult tasks about things we don't know about

like one monday she told us to write a 1000 essay for the thursday on subjects we'd never done before. and she's never satisfied with what you've done. it's so fucking hard it pisses me off i even fucking dream about her!

on the down side uni has meant i've had barely any time to myself to sit down and write stories. so i don't know when fate lines will next be updated. but i'm trying to fit it all in.

Lyrics: payphone / maroon 5

When I feel your velvet, I can't help it; hold your frame, whisper your name. When I feel your velvet, I can't help it; and you don't breathe, so you can't leave.

i start university on sunday

sunday

i don't even have the words to describe how i feel about this i'm scared but excited, worried about living alone and worried that no one will like me or that i'll end up being like the building's mothery type or something because that's normally my type and my mother has gone out of her way to make sure i have things i won't need but other people probably will sooooo i might be quite helpful

just saying

still it's not long to go now i have one more proper full day at home :( and my cat doesn't even realise she's practically snubbing me

Lyrics: velvet elvis / alex winston

I don't want to let you know your heart's an attraction, but I know what you're looking for, it's me you're waiting for, you're not allowed to live anymore

ugh i keep on thinking about uni and it's scary and i don't like it and i don't like thinking about being alone there or having to get the train home after getting a bus somewhere I DON'T LIKE BUSES

gah

i don't know anymore

sometimes i wish i'd just gone to the university nearest to me

it would have been soooo much easier

Lyrics: a whole child ago / biffy clyro

Baby, in our wildest moments, we could be the greatest, we could be the greatest. Baby, in our wildest moments, we could be the worst of all

my brother and his wife move to wales tomorrow so tonight we're throwing a surprise party it has a beach theme because they'll be living near the beach

the only decorations we could find however are quite tropical in their design which doesn't quite fit in with the pembrokeshire coast i must say..for example i'm sure that there are no indigenous parrots on that coast, i'm just saying

but it's the best we could do because we don't exactly live close enough to the beach to just wander into a shop and buy some beach tat

Lyrics: wildest moments / jessie ware

Come, break me down, bury me, bury me; I am finished with you. Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me; all I wanted was you

I'M SCARED now i have my alevel results going to uni is SO much more real i don't want to go i don't know if i can make friends and fit in and have a social life and still write and play the sims and be me i'm scared i don't know if i can do it i really don't but when i express this to my family they're just like 'you'll be fine'

how do you knoowwww though howww?

gah

Lyrics: the kill / 30 seconds to mars

Put the grenade pin in your hand, so you understand who's boss, my defeat sleeps toe to toe with her success, oh, this is from, this is from, this is from Matilda

i got my a level results! i got a b in classics, a b in english language, and an a in english literature

obviously i wanted an a in classics but it was never meant to happen i don't think haha but yknow i'm really happy with what i've got and they've confirmed my place at uni too so i'm definitely going to live in wales in september :D

Lyrics: matilda / alt-j

I can't stand the things that you do when you're fooling around I don't care if you don't want me because I'm yours yours yours anyhow yeah yours yours yours I can't stand your fooling around if I can't have you no one will

on friday i went to an indoor ski slope for my friend's birthday and we went on sledges and went tubing and a couple of people went on the luge..it was pretty fun but my leggings got soaked and it was freezing it started to sting and hurt and other people were cold so we left it slightly early and went and got hot chocolates and bizarrely ice cream whilst we waited for lifts

and then yesterday my brother and his wife came over to celebrate their first wedding anniversary and it was a lovely evening and we discussed their move to pembroke and they showed us photographs of the house they're going to rent and the beaches nearby and it looked lovely

today we're being realllly lazy i bought a book yesterday with loads of biscuit recipes so i'm going ot make some jam roly poly biscuits :)

Lyrics: i put a spell on you / nina simone

And I keep looking for that blindfold faith lighting candles to a cynical saint who wants the last laugh at the fly trapped in the windowsill tape you can go right out of your mind trying to escape from the panicked paradox of day to day if you can't understand something then it's best to be afraid

it's my first day off work in agessss because i've got my english literature exam tomorrow (let's not talk about that) and i am so happy i'm just having a nice relaxed chilled out day i might write later i might not who knows the world is my oyster

down side is my brother and his wife are coming over later on..ysee she did a degree in graphic design and that's like her dream job and she's struggled getting proper jobs in it she finally got one but they won't offer her a pay rise and she went to wales to see a friend the other week and they saw a job being advertised in pembroke and she applied for it and got the job so chances are they'll be moving to pembrokeshire fairly soon which is weird but not that bad for me because i'll be an hour and a half away from them when i go to uni

but basically they're coming over to 'discuss it with us' and my other brother and my father aren't happy about the idea of them moving at all i can't help but feel like they wouldn't be so bothered if i wasn't going to uni this year as well, it's like in one go two of his children / siblings are moving away..i kind of get it but they've talked about moving to somewhere quieter before, it's been their goal to start a family somewhere nicer..oh i don't know i'm just not as bothered about it as i could be basically because in the end i'll be nearer to them..and i quite like the idea of having them closer

Lyrics: classic cars / bright eyes

Cover me with kisses baby cover me with love roll me in designer sheets I'll never get enough emotions come I don't know why cover up love's alibi

i just went on the facebook page for my university like for my year of entry where people are like 'IF UR DOIN CHILDCARE ADD ME'

i panicked and went off it straight away i don't really want to know these people before i actually have to

Lyrics: call me / blondie

Sitting in a wishing hole hoping it stays dry feet cast in solid stone I've got Gilligan's eyes I still believe it's you and me till the end of time

in only a matter of months i will no longer live in the north of england. if everything goes to plan i shall be living in another part of the united kingdom with no family and no friends to fall back on. i will have to fend for myself, meet new people, and actually socialise. everything is going to change.

i'm trying to pretend it's not going to happen but it is and that's fucking scary i'm not a sociable person i'm a nice person but i find it really hard to talk to people. everyone says that i will get used to it and i'll have to make new friends to get by but i can't help but be scared that i'll be by myself and i won't make friends everyone will hate me and i'll be alone for the rest of my life

but maybe that's just a bit silly haha..its just weird i'm very settled and happy in the life i'm living at the moment as boring as it can be and the fact it will change scares me so much

Lyrics: many of horror / biffy clyro