And I keep looking for that blindfold faith lighting candles to a cynical saint who wants the last laugh at the fly trapped in the windowsill tape you can go right out of your mind trying to escape from the panicked paradox of day to day if you can't understand something then it's best to be afraid

it's my first day off work in agessss because i've got my english literature exam tomorrow (let's not talk about that) and i am so happy i'm just having a nice relaxed chilled out day i might write later i might not who knows the world is my oyster

down side is my brother and his wife are coming over later on..ysee she did a degree in graphic design and that's like her dream job and she's struggled getting proper jobs in it she finally got one but they won't offer her a pay rise and she went to wales to see a friend the other week and they saw a job being advertised in pembroke and she applied for it and got the job so chances are they'll be moving to pembrokeshire fairly soon which is weird but not that bad for me because i'll be an hour and a half away from them when i go to uni

but basically they're coming over to 'discuss it with us' and my other brother and my father aren't happy about the idea of them moving at all i can't help but feel like they wouldn't be so bothered if i wasn't going to uni this year as well, it's like in one go two of his children / siblings are moving away..i kind of get it but they've talked about moving to somewhere quieter before, it's been their goal to start a family somewhere nicer..oh i don't know i'm just not as bothered about it as i could be basically because in the end i'll be nearer to them..and i quite like the idea of having them closer

Lyrics: classic cars / bright eyes

How you see me how you see me you say that you can see me but I can't see you looking anymore how you know me how you know me you saying that you know me but I don't see us talking anymore

i went to that fancy dress party last night i went as a crap / slightly slutty audrey hepburn..it wasn't as bad as i was expecting i did end up sat on my own for a while but i didn't really mind i had three pints of cider and enjoyed watching everybody else making a tit of themselves on the dancefloor

i was pretty drunk by the time i got home though i tried to climb the stairs like they were a mountain and my mum had to put me to bed i can't really handle alcohol

and today i went out for a meal with my family because it's father's day and we went shopping as well i bought a couple of necklaces a cardigan some earrings..i also went shopping with my mother yesterday and bought a few things it's been a good weekend basically

Lyrics: open up your arms / ren harvieu

Two hundred lowered eyes a hundred mute goodbyes I never thought your threats would come good you never did what you said you would

i've got to say if i got my father something like a face massage or a pedicure or something he would not be impressed whatsoever he'd be happier with a cuddle

Lyrics: edward is deadward / emmy the great

I laugh I feel I make believe it's real I fall I freeze I pray down on my knees I hope I stand I take it like a man I try as hard as I can

when i'm getting engaged i hope my fiance never ever ever takes me to prestons of bolton the advert depresses me for some reason i'm sure it's nice and everything but still it's where my dad took his first fiancee for her engagement ring

ysee my parents were engaged to other people before they met each other, and then when they did meet they both sold their engagement rings to fund a night out where they got completely drunk and probably conceived my older brother haha they were together for 3 months before she got pregnant and they married after he was born but 25 years later they're still happily married

and he never took her to prestons of bolton

Lyrics: am i not pretty enough / kasey chambers

I'm tired of waiting I'm tired of thinking and it feels like jealousy and it feels like I can't breathe and I'm on down on my knees and it feels like jealousy

had another lazy day today i woke up late sorted out the excess of clothes in my wardrobe watched some TV with my dad whilst i worked on my classics notes, then i had a lie down before a really hot bath listening to soothy music..it's been really chilled out and now i'm watching 'monk' with my mum as i write the next chapter of 'star rising'

ahhhh happy

Lyrics: jealousy / will young

Who do you think you are running around leaving scars collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart

so like i went on this person's blog who goes to my college and..i was like whoa anal sex? just there on the first page just casually there..i didn't really know how to respond to it so i was about to shut down the window

then i realised that my dad was just stood behind me and i panicked and there was just this picture and it was so awkward you have no idea

Lyrics: jar of hearts / christina perri

Who by his lady's command who by his own hand who in mortal chains who in power and who should I say is calling

my dad's advice for uni?

'don't read kafka's diaries and listen to leonard cohen at the same time, you'll only depress yourself'

okay dad

this is like the time he told me,

'don't drop acid and listen to black sabbath, listen to something jolly like stackridge'

i love that other parents advice would just be 'don't drop acid' hahahaha

Lyrics: who by fire / leonard cohen

Hunger hurts but I want him so bad oh it kills because I know that I'm a mess he don't want to clean up

so so so so so want to do a 'who do you think you are' with my family, especially my mother's side because i know very little about them apart from they're welsh hahaha

i just think that it would be fascinating..my aunt on my father's side has already done their family and that was pretty interesting we have some weird surnames on that side lmao but no one has done it for my mother's side

maybe, this summer when i have like 12 weeks off or something i might do a little hunting :D

actually atm i'm watching the tracey emin episode, i love watching this show it is so interesting

Lyrics: paper bag / fiona apple