Baby, in our wildest moments, we could be the greatest, we could be the greatest. Baby, in our wildest moments, we could be the worst of all

my brother and his wife move to wales tomorrow so tonight we're throwing a surprise party it has a beach theme because they'll be living near the beach

the only decorations we could find however are quite tropical in their design which doesn't quite fit in with the pembrokeshire coast i must say..for example i'm sure that there are no indigenous parrots on that coast, i'm just saying

but it's the best we could do because we don't exactly live close enough to the beach to just wander into a shop and buy some beach tat

Lyrics: wildest moments / jessie ware

Come, break me down, bury me, bury me; I am finished with you. Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me; all I wanted was you

I'M SCARED now i have my alevel results going to uni is SO much more real i don't want to go i don't know if i can make friends and fit in and have a social life and still write and play the sims and be me i'm scared i don't know if i can do it i really don't but when i express this to my family they're just like 'you'll be fine'

how do you knoowwww though howww?

gah

Lyrics: the kill / 30 seconds to mars

Well you know what they say about terrible hate, it will breed something good when it's through

it's my grandfather's funeral tomorrow

and then i get my a level results on the thursday

and odd odd odd week

Lyrics: on the museum island / emmy the great

Did you have to go to jail put your house on up for sale did you get a good lawyer I hope you didn't catch a tan I hope you found the right man who'll fix it for you

my mother is one of those people who expects everyone else to remember her email addresses passwords and everything and she gets dead stressy when no one else knows them and pissed off because we're apparently being unhelpful but it's like..remember your own password and email address it's YOURS i don't expect anyone else to know my log in details for anything and it's not like i sit there memorising them for shits and giggles

seriously she's now trying to log in to the registering forms on yahoo

oh god

Lyrics: valerie / the zutons

Love me sweetly and completely come and sit beside me because you know I need you near when you're wheeling with that feeling we'll paint the town pink because baby red is so last year

we were supposed to be going to the cinema today me and my brother i don't know what to see haha but i've just woken up and he's not out of bed yet soooo i'm not sure it's going to happen but it would have been nice

Lyrics: turn on billie / the pierces

And I keep looking for that blindfold faith lighting candles to a cynical saint who wants the last laugh at the fly trapped in the windowsill tape you can go right out of your mind trying to escape from the panicked paradox of day to day if you can't understand something then it's best to be afraid

it's my first day off work in agessss because i've got my english literature exam tomorrow (let's not talk about that) and i am so happy i'm just having a nice relaxed chilled out day i might write later i might not who knows the world is my oyster

down side is my brother and his wife are coming over later on..ysee she did a degree in graphic design and that's like her dream job and she's struggled getting proper jobs in it she finally got one but they won't offer her a pay rise and she went to wales to see a friend the other week and they saw a job being advertised in pembroke and she applied for it and got the job so chances are they'll be moving to pembrokeshire fairly soon which is weird but not that bad for me because i'll be an hour and a half away from them when i go to uni

but basically they're coming over to 'discuss it with us' and my other brother and my father aren't happy about the idea of them moving at all i can't help but feel like they wouldn't be so bothered if i wasn't going to uni this year as well, it's like in one go two of his children / siblings are moving away..i kind of get it but they've talked about moving to somewhere quieter before, it's been their goal to start a family somewhere nicer..oh i don't know i'm just not as bothered about it as i could be basically because in the end i'll be nearer to them..and i quite like the idea of having them closer

Lyrics: classic cars / bright eyes

How you see me how you see me you say that you can see me but I can't see you looking anymore how you know me how you know me you saying that you know me but I don't see us talking anymore

i went to that fancy dress party last night i went as a crap / slightly slutty audrey hepburn..it wasn't as bad as i was expecting i did end up sat on my own for a while but i didn't really mind i had three pints of cider and enjoyed watching everybody else making a tit of themselves on the dancefloor

i was pretty drunk by the time i got home though i tried to climb the stairs like they were a mountain and my mum had to put me to bed i can't really handle alcohol

and today i went out for a meal with my family because it's father's day and we went shopping as well i bought a couple of necklaces a cardigan some earrings..i also went shopping with my mother yesterday and bought a few things it's been a good weekend basically

Lyrics: open up your arms / ren harvieu

Now I'm relieved to hear that you've been to some far out places it's hard to carry on when you feel all alone now I've swung back down again it's worse than it was before if I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor

had a good bank holiday weekend :) went out shopping on saturday spent nearly all of my last pay cheque then that night i went out w/ my friends and got pleasantly drunk and then i had a lazy day on sunday, a family barbeque last night and today we went to this village that had roman ruins and a museum and we had lunch in this lovely village pub

ahhhh it's been nice and i'm not in college now so yeah i'm going to be writing like crazyyy

Lyrics: sit down / james

It's been two years since I let you go I couldn't listen to a joke or rock'n'roll muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart on my birthday you sang me a heart of gold with a guitar humming and no clothes this time I'm not leaving without you

i've had quite a nice weekend all things considered..a bit lazy sure but why not? i've dyed my hair today it doesn't look that much different but a little bit lighter, and i've painted my nails like a slytherin green and now my brother and sister in law have come over for a barbeque tea and i'm quite relaxed about anything for the first time in a while i'm not that bothered that i have college tomorrow, i'm quite satisfied with how things have gone tbh

Lyrics: you and i / lady gaga

I'll let you get the best of me because there's nothing else I do well I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker I guess that's how this one's gonna go I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker you've got me down on my knees and I proclaim all hail the heartbreaker

my grandparents have come over for tea

they don't live near us so we don't see them often just a couple of times a year but this is the first time in about three years that they've actually come to us they normally come up here so my grandmother can see her sister or her friends but they don't come to see us for some reason

so this is quite an unusual event

i'm just quietly writing the next chapter of 'star rising' alone in the living room trying not to feel a bit awkward haha

Lyrics: all hail the heartbreaker / the spill canvas

Destruction leads to a very rough road but it also breeds creation and earthquakes are to a girl's guitar they're just another good vibration and tidal waves couldn't save the world from Californication

today i went to an antiques fair with my two brothers and sister in law (plus her mother sister and her sister's husband)

we and my oldest brother had to get up at 8 because the other brother was picking us up at 9, so i had a really early start today and i'm tired now haha then we drove to the antiques fair

it was being held in a football stadium, and it was packed full of stores selling all sorts i'm not convinced they were all antiques or make that absolutely certain they weren't antiques haha but i didn't mind so much i like things like that anyway

the only problem were the serious collectors who take things very seriously and are intimidating with their in depth knowledge of what you're buying..that put me on edge a little i felt like i should try haggling when i bought things but there was no point really i don't regret spending what i did

i bought a tin and three brooches, spending £15 in all..pretty chuffed with what i bought too

£3 brooch



£4 brooch

£2 brooch

£6 tin

inside of tin and the little key which came with it

branding on bottom of tin

i'm really looking forward to going to the next fair haha they're really fascinating places that sell some interesting things, hopefully i'll have more money to spend this time because i've spent most of my last paycheque on my haircut, hair dye and paying back a friend for a train ticket haha

after the fair we went for a pub lunch which was nice and i had a lovely chocolate fudge cake for dessert then i came home and napped and read some more suetonius and watched britain's got talent and wrote more of the next chapter of 'star rising'

Lyrics: californication / red hot chili peppers

Summertime made promises it knew it couldn't keep the fairytale was climbing up a mountain far too steep colouring the pictures with your royal hands now I am craving heartbreak while you're making your demands

i feel really tense and stressed :/ like literally my body feels all wired and i don't know why! i feel like i can't relax and i keep on getting dead angry over the slightest of things literally my parents were just eating their tea and the noise sounded so freaking loud and vile i wanted to hit one of them..i don't even know why i feel like this either it must be nervousness over exams or something i just don't know how to get rid of it

Lyrics: calm like you / the last shadow puppets

If I get you in the loop when I make a point of being straight with you then in lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though I Brazilian wax poetic so hypothetically I don't want to beat around the bush

i'm fairly sure that my mum has become addicted to mint aeros..she buys them in bulk and hides them and there's hell to pay if you get too close to her mint aero i'm telling you

Lyrics: foxtrot uniform charlie kilo / bloodhound gang

Sitting in a wishing hole hoping it stays dry feet cast in solid stone I've got Gilligan's eyes I still believe it's you and me till the end of time

in only a matter of months i will no longer live in the north of england. if everything goes to plan i shall be living in another part of the united kingdom with no family and no friends to fall back on. i will have to fend for myself, meet new people, and actually socialise. everything is going to change.

i'm trying to pretend it's not going to happen but it is and that's fucking scary i'm not a sociable person i'm a nice person but i find it really hard to talk to people. everyone says that i will get used to it and i'll have to make new friends to get by but i can't help but be scared that i'll be by myself and i won't make friends everyone will hate me and i'll be alone for the rest of my life

but maybe that's just a bit silly haha..its just weird i'm very settled and happy in the life i'm living at the moment as boring as it can be and the fact it will change scares me so much

Lyrics: many of horror / biffy clyro

It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing it was a lie when they smiled and said you won't feel a thing and as we ran from the cops we laughed so hard it would sting

so yeah this weekend we went to the making of harry potter at leavesden studios..

we had to get up really early to drive down there in time and it was a really long boring journey and we got lost pretty fast even for us..then we reached watford and we saw signs for the studios and i thought my mum was going to die from excitement.

we got there and the people..right i thought i was a harry potter geek but i'm not even compared to some of those people lmao, not that there's anything wrong with it i thought it was pretty cool that some of them dressed up as characters or just in school uniform

we went in the shop first whilst we waited for our tour to begin the shop was amazing i wanted to look at absolutely everything it was a bit pricey but we expected it to be

then the tour started.

by the way i have bigger hands than emma watson and daniel radcliffe and the same sized hands as rupert grint and all of the actors in the films seem really small because their costumes looked tiny, i swear that the most normal sized people on set were the weasley twins

it starts off with an introductory video then they show you into the great hall which is the only bit that is guided, they quickly move you on to the next bit and then you can go round it at your own pace

the sets were amazing. there was so much detail and effort gone into each one and most of it you miss when you watch the films but i definitely won't know haha. in terms of sets the highlights for me were the boy's dormitory, the gryffindor common room, umbridge's office and the potion labs but all of them were amazing

outside they sell butterbeer which was all right but a bit sickly. the knight bus is outside and you can stand on it but you can't go in it but i didn't mind haha i had my picture taken on it anyway you can also see privet drive (squee), godric's hollow and the hogwarts bridge plus all of the wizard chess pieces i liked looking at all of these things, again the detail is really amazing but it started raining so we moved on pretty quickly

the next bit was all the animatronics and make up effects..some of this was actually quite morbid haha they had all the 'dead bodies' of the actors and dobby's dead body in a case, complete with bloodstain not to mention voldemort in foetal form. but they were amazing too they were all really lifelike it was also the section with the animals like buckbeak (so realistic), the dragons heads, the dementors (only a foot tall in real life haha) and the thestrals..again they were all really amazing pieces of work

then it was diagon alley.

right. one of the best bits of the day. it looks exactly like it does on the film. the shop windows are ridiculously detailed and they look like you can just wander inside and start shopping i think my favourite window was the ice cream parlour because it looked so sweet and the colours they used were really fitting for the shop

following this was the set design section and artist's concept, i'll admit i wasn't so interested in this bit but the paper models were pretty good and some of the paintings were beautiful

i thought that the tour was wrapping up then because it went all dark and there were signs for fire exits but it wasn't

i turned a corner and there was hogwarts

the paper model they used to film and it was literally a 'wow' moment because it looked like a real castle, it was fucking amazing and the effort that must have gone into it..it was one of those things you could look at all day from every angle. there were even little people in the grounds! it was brilliant and the way it was set up so you came around the corner and just saw it like they do in the first film just made it even better

the last bit was where all the wands were kept for all the people involved in the films. it was really fun looking for all the familiar names, by the end of it we found daniel radcliffe's, rupert grint's, emma watson's, kenneth branagh's, alan rickman's, timothy spall's, michael gambon's, ben shepherd's (TV presenter i love haha), bonnie wright's, tom felton's, and a few others i can't remember oh and we found jk rowling's too

i bought a ravenclaw scarf, some badges and some chocolate from the shop and i was really pleased and giddy as we left all i wanted to do was talk about it

all in all it was a brilliant fascinating day and i'm so glad i went i'd love to go again the only down side was the other people on the tour because some of them were so rude, they'd walk into pictures you were taking and stand in the way of the sets for ages but that aside it was still really really good one of the best weekends i've had in a long long time

Lyrics: disenchanted / my chemical romance

I don't care what the whisperers say because they whisper too loud for me

Got back from my grandparents about four hours ago and it's the first time I've been able to sit down

I'll write a post about the uni asap but I'm on my phone and it's a bit of an arse to write such a long piece on an iPhone tbh

Lyrics: pack up / Eliza Doolittle

You want a lover who takes time over her looks not some stupid kid who's always wrapped up in her books but can I help it if a sentence makes me cry and the pavement makes me cry and the thought of you and I

i'm going shopping w/ my friend in a bit before i go to my grandparents this evening and then to the uni

i'm prettttty scared about going to the uni i mean what if i do something wrong or embarrassing? or worse my parents haha

but i'm focusing on shopping atm i just need to wait for her to get to my house

Lyrics: atoms / emmy the great

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head I come undone at the things he said and he's so funny in his bright red shirt we were all in love and we all got hurt

This week is gonna be dead weird and awkward I can tell

Basically on Wednesday I'm going to my first choice uni to see the campus and meet the professors and I'm well scared but excited and it's not a good situation hahaha

But I'm staying w/ my grandparents or 2 days because it's nearer to the uni

I love my nana and everything but staying at her house is exhausting in its own way she talks too much and most of it is the same thing again and again

And on Saturday I'm going to an 18th which I don't want to go to because it's fancy dress and I don't like fancy dress plus there was a fuck up with my original costume so I've had to hastily improvise on the internet and hope it all arrives in time

Lyrics: white houses / Vanessa carlton

I wait in the rain but I don't complain because I wait for you I don't feel pain you're like novocaine and I got you

sorry for the depression of the last post.

it just gets on top of me sometimes and i have to vent but when i vent out loud to family i get dead upset and they don't necessarily take it seriously they just say hormones etc.

but that's not important i'm over it now..

Lyrics: always you / ingrid michaelson

Hunger hurts but I want him so bad oh it kills because I know that I'm a mess he don't want to clean up

so so so so so want to do a 'who do you think you are' with my family, especially my mother's side because i know very little about them apart from they're welsh hahaha

i just think that it would be fascinating..my aunt on my father's side has already done their family and that was pretty interesting we have some weird surnames on that side lmao but no one has done it for my mother's side

maybe, this summer when i have like 12 weeks off or something i might do a little hunting :D

actually atm i'm watching the tracey emin episode, i love watching this show it is so interesting

Lyrics: paper bag / fiona apple